Friday I [Think I’m Fine]: “When My Time Comes” by Dawes

Let’s start with a couple days ago to what got me listening to this song again and the jump back to where I had been when this song impacted me so much.

A few days ago this girl was looking through my iTunes. There’s that dreadful feeling I get when people look through my iTunes library. I’m afraid they’ll judge me on my music tastes (or possible lack thereof). I’m sitting on my bed as she’s looking through my iTunes library. I’m afraid she’ll scoff at one of my favorite bands. (I’ve been severely judged and insulted by someone on my music library before.) I don’t know if she’ll be happy or be grossed out by all the Passion Pit and Passion Pit remixed tracks. There’s even the moment when she keeps scrolling and scrolling and it’s just a seemingly endless list of practically every Rilo Kiley song in existence. (Yeah, they’re my number 1, all time, forever and ever favorite band in the whole world. Almost a 10 year and counting love affair.)

Normally, this would just make me consider what music I listen to and their artistic merits or just think that the person judging me is a total asshole. However, I was really nervous because she’s the coolest person I’ve ever met (and my inflated ego makes these comparisons to myself who I think is really damn cool). “Oh mannnn, is my iTunes library cool enough for her to respect?”

She stopped in the D section and said that she loves Dawes especially that song. (“Yesssss!” runs through my head because that’s one of my favorite songs.)

Today, she GChatted me a link to the video above saying she loves the song and that particular performance. I tell her that it’s one of my quarter-life crisis songs. I listened to it a lot back then. This song ends up on my mind all day and also makes me think about my quarter-life crisis.

[Here’s a jump to right now.]

I’m starting to pack up my things that aren’t already in boxes (read: still in boxes from the last time I moved. To be honest, I only really unpacked maybe half or three-fourths of the boxes I brought into my current apartment).

I’m moving again. I feel like these last couple of moves have actually signified, in a really corny way, the ends and beginnings of different chapters of my life.

In this case, situations haven’t completely changed as much (at least I hope not because I’m currently liking and appreciating my life right now). It’s not the situation so much this time as the mindset I’m in, I guess.

I feel as if I moved from Oakland to San Francisco for a reason, and now I’m moving back to Oakland (literally just a few blocks away from my previous Oakland apartment). Well, there are multiple reasons, but the biggest part deals with priorities – or in this case my change of them.

[Now a jump to August 2011.]

In August 2011 I was quarter-life crisis-ing, not knowing what was going to happen after November 2011 election, not knowing what I wanted and where (literally and figuratively) I wanted to be. I just knew that I wanted to figure it out along the way and that I really enjoyed where I was at the time. I was content with my life balance.

But is that what’s supposed to happen? I always thought I’d be following some life plan and that I’d have a clearer idea of where I’d be down the line.

I also felt a little torn because I couldn’t decide if I wanted to stay in the Bay Area (and if so, for how long?), go back to LA, or maybe even venture out somewhere else (I’d been eyeing New York for a while). All the possibilities were overwhelming. I didn’t know what I wanted.

I decided to just go with some advice my friend (who’s also my boss) gave me: I was going to just do what was fun at the moment and then when it stopped being fun, I’d move onto something else. That helped out a lot.

I got more involved at work and decided I needed to move to San Francisco to be closer to the office and be more available.

[Jump back to right now]

As much as I love my job and as much as I am always down to give 110% to what I do and to make it top priority, I’ve also felt like something was lacking. I realized that I had completely ignored my favorite hobbies. I began to really feel off because I hadn’t been as involved with the music and art scene lately.

That’s why once opportunities to get back in touch with the music and art scene (both in terms of moving back to Oakland and also in terms of taking part in friends’ projects) began presenting themselves, I took them. That’s why I’m trying to be more in this mindset of making more balance between all my passions and responsibilities. That’s part of why I’m moving back to Oakland. As stupid as it seems, proximity really has a big effect, especially in terms of the circles of people I’ve ended up spending my time with. I’ve been thinking that maybe by being closer to where I want to be (literally and figuratively), I’ll be more motivated to spend the extra hours needed to be more involved.

I guess I’ve just really been spending more time trying to figure out but also just realizing what exactly I want and then working toward those things.

Then again, this all feels like a description of an extremely cliche indie movie about growing up or being in your 20s. At the very least, at least commend me for being sincere about the situation/experience?

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